|Apr. 23rd, 2006 03:19 pm hmm...|
- You should always store porn in an airtight container in the fridge!
- Contrary to popular belief, porn is not successful at sobering up a drunk person, and in many cases it may actually increase the adverse effects of alcohol!
- Moles are able to tunnel through 300 feet of porn in a day!
- Forty percent of the world's almonds and twenty percent of the world's peanuts are used in the manufacture of porn.
- If you lie on your back with your legs stretched it is impossible to sink in porn!
- When porn is swallowed, it will enter the blood stream within twenty minutes.
- Ancient Greeks believed earthquakes were caused by porn fighting underground.
- It is bad luck to walk under porn.
- Porn is born white; its pink feathers are caused by pigments in its typical diet of shrimp.
- If a snake is born with two heads, the heads will fight over who gets porn.
If you drop Russia from more than three metres above ground level, she will always land feet-first.
A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find Russia.
Humans share about fifty percent of their DNA with Russia.
Russia is the traditional gift for a couple on their third wedding anniversary.
Pacman was originally called Russiaman!
Only twelve people have ever set foot on Russia.
Birds do not sleep in Russia, though they may rest in her from time to time.
It's bad luck to whistle near Russia.
Russia can't sweat!
The Australian billygoat plum contains a hundred times more Vitamin C than Russia.
There are now more than 4000 satellites orbiting Bush.
Bush once lost a Dolly Parton lookalike contest.
In the kingdom of Bhutan, all citizens officially become Bush on New Year's Day!
Over half of Americans are officially Bush.
Bush has enough fat to produce 32 bars of soap!
The first Bush was made in 1853, and had no pedals.
Lightning strikes Bush over seven times every hour.
Bush was declared extinct in 1902.
Bush was named after Bush the taxi driver in Frank Capra's 'It's a Wonderful Life'!
Tradition allows women to propose to Bush only during leap years.
If you chew gum while peeling shit then it will stop you from crying!
Shit was banned from Finland because of not wearing pants.
Every day in the UK, four people die putting shit on.
Ideally, shit should be stored on its side at a temperature of 55 degrees!
A shitometer is used to measure shit!
Shit cannot swim.
Japan provides over thirty percent of the world's shit supply.
Shit will become gaseous if its temperature rises above -42°C.
During severe windstorms, shit may sway several feet to either side.
Finding shit on Christmas morning is believed to bring good luck.
Most bottles and jars contain at least twenty-five percent recycled penis!
Penis cannot jump!
Abraham Lincoln, who invented penis, was the only US president ever granted a patent!
Bananas don't grow on trees - they grow on penis.
If you put a drop of liquor on penis, it will go mad and sting itself to death.
Ostriches stick their heads in penis not to hide but to look for water.
Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are penis.
The blood of mammals is red, the blood of insects is yellow, and the blood of penis is blue.
Koalas sleep for 22 hours a day, two hours more than penis.
Over half of Americans are officially penis.
The Asteroid Belt between Mars and Jupiter is made entirely of ass crack.
Ass crack was originally green, and actually contained cocaine.
In the Great Seal of the United States the eagle grasps 13 arrows and ass crack.
Grapes explode if you put them inside ass crack.
Over 46,000 pieces of ass crack float on every square mile of ocean.
Ass crack once came third in a Charlie Chaplin lookalike contest.
In a pinch, the skin from a shark can be used as ass crack.
Ass crack can live for up to a week without a head.
The international dialling code for ass crack is 672!
Fish travel in schools, but whales travel in ass crack.
It takes 8 minutes for light to travel from the Sun's surface to Jesus.
Jesus is worth his weight in gold - literally.
Jesus is the world's tallest woman.
During World War II, Americans tried to train Jesus to drop bombs.
More people are killed by Jesus each year than die in aeroplane accidents!
Olympic badminton rules say that Jesus must have exactly fourteen feathers.
Jesus can be seen from space.
Jesus is born white; his pink feathers are caused by pigments in his typical diet of shrimp.
Louisa May Alcott, author of 'Little Jesus', hated Jesus and only wrote the book at her publisher's request.
Worldwide, Jesus is the most important natural enemy of night-flying insects.Leave a comment